Introduction Abduction

Finding new people to date or meet is hard enough now a days, unless you want to do the dreaded online!
I was contacted through Facebook by an acquaintance from high school. We barely said hi, however, he asked me for coffee.
The next day, we met at a local java shop. He looked the same. What could go wrong??
As we sat down, and passed through the formalities of the how have you been? what are doing now? I realized this was a disaster in the making!
Through his jaunts of gibberish, he quoted Yoda as his God, told me he had been abducted by aliens and he was the Messiah. He showed me his head and explained his misshaped forehead as a side effect from the tests he had been put through on his mother planet.
While I wanted to run away from this craziness, I listened patiently for the punch line … it never came.
After an hour of him trying to convince me that he was the ”chosen one”‘, I politely told him he needs to get some professional help. got up and walked out.

Are those wedding bells I hear?

So I met a nice young woman and we went out on a few dates. Things seemed to be going really well until she found out I was planning a boy’s weekend about a month into the relationship.

“you can’t go away that weekend.  We have the engagement party”


“ours silly!”

To this day I don’t know if she was serious or not

Language Barrier

I met a lovely young woman online, and after trading a few messages, I got her phone number.  I waited a few days to call.  When I did, we had a fantastic phone conversation that went over an hour.  At the end of the call we agreed to meet for a coffee the next day.


At the coffee shop I walked in and saw her waiting for me.  She looked up at me and smiled.  Happy that she looked just like her pictures,  I walked over and said “Hi, how are you?”

“Da” she replied”

“Been waiting long?”


I then felt a tap on my shoulder. “I’m “so and so”‘s friend.  She doesn’t speak any English. I’ve been translating all your conversations and messages to Russian for her!”

Stalker Talker

I went out for coffee for a first date with this guy I had been talking to. As we are sitting in the restaurant talking about so many things we have in common, he starts to tell me about the girl who was his “first”. It was not so creepy in the beginning until he told me that a few days before our date, about two decades after his “first”, he posted a tribute video to her on youtube!

My curiosity got the better of me, and so when I got home I did some sleuthing and found it, and it was so crazy stalkerish I was in shock. It had video clips of her, photos, etc. and though he had not talked to her in ages, it was just extremely creepy.

Needless to say, there was no second date :)

Go Team Go

I went on a date to a local sporting event and half way through the game, my date’s sister started engaging him in an argument about nothing of any importance over text message. Instead of saying to her that he was busy right now, he fell right into it and I just sat there, fuming. After about a half hour of this I was so upset I just asked him to take me home and did not say a word the entire 45 minute drive home.

World of Warcraft

I had met this guy on a dating site and we had chatted there for some time. He was a decade younger than I was so I hesitated meeting him but he assured me we would have lots in common, so I agreed.

We went to a very nice restaurant for dinner and while we were there, he asked me many questions about my faith (we were the same religion) but then took each belief I shared and disagreed with it. I thought, well, ok, different strokes, for different folks.

After that we went out for coffee nearby where for about a half hour he described his character on World of Warcraft, explaining how he doesn’t really go out much and still lives with his parents.

At this point I knew I was not going to see him again so I shared a lot of very personal things (great way to scare a guy away.) He then disappeared to the bathroom for about 10 minutes, probably texting his friends about the crazy woman he was out with, and upon his return we left. :)

What a nice pair of silver bracelets….

I was set up on a blind date by someone I know with the friend of a friend of a friend.  We spoke on the phone and decided to go for dinner for our first date.  When I asked if she had a preference, she said “I love restaurant X, let’s go there!”  As any guy who has had to plan a first date will tell you, when she says where she wants to go, life is a LOT easier!

We got a table, and I was able to see the host stand from where I am sitting.  I saw a couple of staff pointing into our section and whispering.  I didn’t think anything of it, as they are probably trying to figure out who was going to serve us as it was a slow night.  A few minutes later the manager came out and joined their conversation.

A few minutes after we order our food, a pair of police officers walk in and come over to our section.  I just thought that they were there to eat.  The officer walked up to our table and said “Ma’am, were you here a few days ago and left without paying?”  My date looked up at him and simply said “I want a lawyer”.

After they led her away, I called the person who set us up.

“How did it go?”

“Great.  She got a pair of silver bracelets from a nice pair of police officers.”

ummm… wha?

I was in a coffee shop, having a nice conversation with this woman.  All of the sudden she stopped, cocked her head to one side and looked at me.  “Are you ok?”  I asked her.

“Of course,” she replied.  “I just need to make a quick call”.

She pulled out her cellphone in front of me and placed her call…

“Hi (blank), I’m sitting here on a date with a nice guy while you are out with your little toy.  I just wanted you to know that he looks like a much better #$%* than you ever were!”

Have you met my mother?

So I met this young lady on a dating website and after some fantastic phone conversations, we agreed to meet at a local coffee shop.  I got there early to get a seat and welcome her.

She shows up exactly on time and gives me a smile as she walks in.  As she enters, I see her hold the door open for the woman behind her. “Great!” I think “She’s polite and respectful”.

The table I am at is right beside where you pick up your drinks.  So after she gets her coffee, she makes her way over to where I am sitting and pulls up another chair!  Turns our the woman she held the door for was her mother!  My date smiles at me and says “This is my mother, Mrs. So and So”  My date brought her mother!  Those were the ONLY words my date said!

I stuck it out for about 30 minutes, then made my excuses and left.  The next day my date calls me and tells me that her mother liked me, so we can go out the two of us.  “Thanks” I said, “but I only date one person at a time”